Guilt is a fickle thing, it comes in many forms and is never really accepted in any. I have often felt guilty about menial things such as not letting a driver out from a road because I was in a rush, or putting chips on for tea as I couldn’t be bothered making anything decent or sitting down with a cup of tea and playing a game of candy crush when I should be cleaning/cooking/tidying/washing etc etc.
Everyday myself and my daughter would sit at the table and create something, or go out into the garden and play or plant some seeds or bake something but since baby #2 has arrived I have found it increasingly more difficult to do those eveŕyday and have found that I am only able to do them with her every now and then, as #2 is extremely clingy it basically means we can’t do them. All the things I used to do with #1, #2 is not able to do yet, and most definitely will not allow me to do them unless #2 is having a nap. I feel so sorry for my eldest, she has had to be sidelined on many an occasion as my youngest is either tired, hungry, needs his nappy changed or just won’t let go of me.
I think it is a generic thing when you have more than one child and so far I haven’t really adjusted well to it, even though I know #1 is being stimulated all morning at school I feel a huge weight of guilt when all I do when she gets home is have to attend to #2 until he goes for a sleep, and then I always seem to have either cooking, washing, sewing or tidying to do I never seem to have time for her any more, my heart breaks and i feel like such a terrible mother.
I know I am being overly critical and that I should just relax as she is gaining so much from her school, ballet and swimming classes. We read several books with her everday, she is now cycling well on her own and loves being out in the small patio area practicing, I try to arrange playdates every couple of weeks with friends that she doesn’t see that much, she plays well with all of her toys and is learning to share things. All this and many more things are perfectly adequate for a 3yr old but still I feel guilty that I don’t get more 1 to 1 time with her to teach her new things and that then brings me onto #2 who is the loveliest, cuddliest little boy who adores his mummy (in fact very rarely lets go of me!) but I really don’t think that I am doing enough for him either. I try to take him to a tots group each week, but with me working random days I can’t always guarantee that I’ll be off, he does go swimming every week on saturdays though, but that is it really it and it’s scaring me the time passing away so quickly and the lack of stimulation he is receiving. We haven’t done painting or colouring or baking with him (partly because he just eats everything) and again I feel like a terrible mother for not providing these simple things that will educate and develop him.
What to do? And how to deal with my guilt?
Answers on a postcard please
Thanks for letting me vent my frustration and for being a great listener